Weigh-in #1 (the awful truth...)

It has been an agonizing 24 hours now that I've launched the site and people have visited. I even put off taking the photos until this morning because maybe, just maybe I could procrastinate just a little longer...

But no.

Change doesn't happen tomorrow, it starts the minute a person makes the choice to change. It doesn't have to be tied to a particular day of the week or under certain circumstances - what I'm choosing to believe is that change needs to be grasped when it apparent to me that it needs to happen. Well, at least that's what I'm telling myself - I still waited overnight to do the dirty work.

OK - here it is. I'm choosing to look at the 800 lb Gorilla in the room and unfortunately it's me. Well, it's not 800 lbs, but it might as well be. I have reached a new high (or low point) of 245 pounds. I have never been this heavy in my life. I am 6’-1” and I have a 42 inch waist and as you can see from the pictures, it's not a pretty sight. I have a lot of work to do.

I can tell you that by taking the photos and going through with this has brought new immediacy to the choices I've been used to making. I had a bowl of shredded wheat for breakfast with some skim milk and coffee with sugar free creamer and Splenda. I have packed a Lean Cuisine lunch with a salad and a small amount of dressing (1/2 of what I would normally do).

I don't have details worked out yet - such as how to fit in any meaningful exercise. I'm going to try to do some basic calisthenics tonight since I don't have a gym membership and the weather is terrible for doing anything outside.

So this is me - all of me (well, at least that I can legally publish). My warts and all.

I'm not proud of this - it's embarrassing and humiliating and it makes me incredibly uncomfortable to think of what my friends and family will/do think. Pride is a tough thing to swallow. But I also know that fat covered by a shirt still is fat and I'm fooling no one. The only fool has been me to put this off for so long.

I have this idea of myself - one that doesn't look like this - but one that mirrors my own self confidence that shows itself in so many other ways - just not in my appearance. I've never really considered myself a vain person and have minimally invested in clothing or other trends - I stay somewhat updated from the sole inspiration from my wife. I just haven't cared.

This is probably the big reason of why I’ve found myself here today.

The thing is that I do care. I care that I am healthy for my family. I care that I can set an example for my children for healthy choices and lead by example to them. Without that change, it’s a lot like the Pope bitching out Catholics from the balcony of a whorehouse. I have to live it.

I actually feel inspired today. 2009 is going to be a great year. I believe that.